I See You Go
by sweetheartbreaker
Summary: There he was. Yes, it was him. She tried too hard to make herself believe that it was all a lie, that he loved her like he said. But it wasn't a lie. It was true. And it was right before her eyes, her nightmare - only this time it was real. edited, 9/22/12


_Disclaimer: I don't own Boys Before Flowers. Credits goes to their creators._

_..._

**I SEE YOU GO**

_There he was. Yes, it was him. She tried too hard to make herself believe that it was all a lie, that he loved her like he said. But it wasn't a lie. It was true. And it was right before her eyes, her nightmare - only this time it was real._

There was this guy she truly loved. With all her heart. Who had her heart. Who was now in the arms of another girl. He looked so happy, so alive. He talked to the other girl animatedly, like it was the best moment of the day. Well, to her, it wasn't. It was the worst.

Do you know the feeling of having a wound, let's say a cut? Of course, who doesn't, right? We all got hurt when we were kids. All those bruises and wounds and marks we cry about everyday. Only that this time, the hurt wasn't physical, which is much much worse. Physical wounds heal when you put medicine on it, then you don't get to see it when you cover it with a bandage. This wound however, doesn't heal in days... It would take months, or years... maybe forever to heal it.

Try imagining that cut, on your knee. It hurts right? A throbbing pain. A red gash on your knee that seemed to be mocking you every time you look at it that you have to cover it with you hand. Remember crying when you were little? Remember feeling like the worst thing had happened to you?

Place that pain and put it in your heart. Multiply it ten times. Then another ten. Perhaps multiply it another hundred. That's how painful it was, the wound on your heart. That's when we get heart broken. Do you know the feeling that you see the world falling apart, and you can't do anything about it? Like being killed, only you can't die? Like trying to withstand the pain and failing? Trying to stop the tears from falling because your friends would find out that you hurt? Then you take on a mask of a smile? But it would still hurt. Still impossibly hurt.

That's how it felt. That's how Ga Eul felt. Jan Di was there of course. She even kicked that moron on the face to get revenge. _Lucky_, Ga Eul thought. That bruise will heal. Her heart won't.

Because she loved him. She stupidly fell in love with someone like Gong Sun Pyo. And he cheated on her. She meant nothing to him. Just a source of entertainment and of money.

Love is crazy. She didn't want to fall in love anymore.

That was what she thought. Until she met So Yi Jeong, the man who changed her life. Who knew she could over the guy who played with her heart overnight? She didn't. But Yi Jeong helped her.

The look on his face that said amusement when he walked to her on the sidewalk. Panic when she started to cry. Determination while teaching her how to find strength in her weakness. Pride when they walked out of the bar together hand in hand. And that's how it happened. How she broke her heart and fell in love again in one day.

She knew Yi Jeong knew she liked him. Of course, who wouldn't like the young So? He wasn't called a Casanova for nothing. He was really good looking, she could come up with thousands of beautiful describing words that can't even come close to what he looks like. He has sort of like a mischievous smile, like how a naughty angel would smile while planning a prank. But he has broken eyes. His eyes show happiness, but if you look closely, they don't have a glow that would say a person is living happily. His soul was dead.

She was determined to change that.

She tried hard. She earned his trust. She'd given him chocolates on Valentine's day. She tried to learn pottery to impress him. She visited his studio once in a while. She showed him what his first love wanted to tell him before. She'd seen him in his best and worst times. She had seen a glint in his eyes that can signify a life.

Then he told her. He told her those three simple words. Those words that she hadn't expected her to hear from him. Yet he did. He did tell her. In a breath, in a soft, ragged whisper one night, after driving her home. He told her. _I love you, _kissed her cheek and drove off.

She felt like flying. Walking on cloud nine. Light-headed. Everything was a blur that she had to sleep early that night because she can't process anything. When she woke up the next morning, it felt like it didn't happen last night. It felt like it was only a dream... if it was, it was the sweetest dream she ever had.

Only that it wasn't a dream, because he told her again that night, and the night after that. He didn't press her to say anything else, she was grateful of that. But she also wanted him to know that the feeling was mutual. So she tried.

When she was stubbornly angry at her teacher for giving her an B+ when she thought she deserved an A, she took a shot of alcohol. She remembered it being sweet and bitter at the same time. It rolled in her tongue with a mad rush and settled on her stomach with a warm growl.

He was angry at her for being unreasonable. He said he would never allow her to do that again, dragged her out of the F4 lounge and gave her a bit of air. He was still angry at her when she danced in the rain. He was still angry at her when she pulled him to the rain with her. She knew he wasn't angry anymore when she kissed him under the rain. She heard him smile when she said those three words. Those three simple words that bound them together. _I love you._

And it was just perfect.

But he had to leave. He just had to leave for Sweden, because of his injury. And he needed to train to become better. It would help them both; to test their love against the distance and find it enduring.

The problem was both of them were scared. He told her, she told him. They were scared of what was going to happen. _What if we can't make it, what if you meet another person, what if we did something wrong out of impulse, what if they were people holding us back, what if... what if... what if..._ There were enough what ifs to feed the poor in the third world countries. But they had to be strong. They had to be strong for each other.

_Maybe they weren't strong enough._

Letters poured in. They called each other every now and then. The e-mail each other. They video-chat. They were falling in love with each other all over again each and everyday.

Until the sudden change.

"Another year?" she remembered her voice breaking, her heart sinking as she repeated the words he just said. She remembered him bringing it up at one random day. They were on the phone and she was lying in her bed, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world... before he broke the news.

"Just another year, Ga Eul-yang. It's an extension of my learning. And we're doing great already," he said, his voice was drunk with excitement. She could picture him clearly, full of color and energy and his eyes alive. "Please, Ga Eul-yang? Just one year. And I'll be back, I promise."

_He promised._

The letters gradually stopped. He barely had time to hold his phone, much less sit in front of a computer. He was too busy to do anything else. It seemed like he was beginning to forget. She didn't know, though. He never got the chance to tell her. But she didn't. She didn't forget him, or his promise, because every single day, even after the time he promised to return, days, weeks, months after his promised date of return, she believed he would. She believed he would come back for her. She held on to whatever strings of hope she had, even the most easily broken.

Three years later, when she'd lost all her hope, and her life was a starting from scratch again, she saw him.

Damn Jan Di for inviting her in this museum exhibit. No, scratch that. Damn herself for being a fool and not realize it in time. They were already at Woo Sung Museum when it hit her. _Of course! _So Yi Jeong would be having an exhibit now after he finished his course of learning and some years of experience and business. She was already inside when her brain commanded her feet to run. But it was too late.

_There he was._

She saw him. His back to be specific. His back was turned to her and it was as if he was talking to someone formally, and she could see in the tension set on his shoulder that it wasn't a good chat. Perhaps some critique came to say that his art sucked. Well, that could explain his unease. His works were wonderful... as always.

She turned the other way, in case he made up his mind to ditch who he was talking to and walk towards other guests. Somehow, she didn't want him to see her. It was as if there was an invisible wall that separated them, and she knew if she got a glimpse of his face, or him hers, it would either create a dozen more walls or destroy this one. She didn't want either of that.

She didn't know how far she got but she knew it was far enough to lose Jan Di and the rest of the F4. Maybe they'd be too caught up with the exhibits they won't notice she would run off. Maybe she could even run out of the museum right now. She was contemplating about it, but she wanted to see his works _badly_. It was a sin... seeing his works. She didn't want to allow herself to see anything that reminded her of him, but his works... It was a different story altogether. It was a luxury to her, and she could see his story in his work. And she knew, he was alive.

She drunk in the sight of his works and felt his soul in each of them. She was so lost in them she didn't realize she was walking straight towards him. She bumped into him before she remembered that this part of the museum turns to a full circle. Which meant she walked right into him.

_Yes, it was him_.

Surprise was an understatement to the reaction printed on his face when he turned to see who bumped into him. He looked like he saw the world explode, fall apart and reconstruct in three seconds. Of course, even in that state he looked like the reincarnation of Eros, himself. His hair was longer than she remembered, but silky and black all the same and it fell below his eyebrows. He was beautiful, all of him... The curve of his jaw, flawlessness of his whole face, the richness of his mouth and lips... and those mesmerizing eyes she was most familiar with. They were, she thought, sparking with life.

She wasn't sure how she looked like herself. She didn't have the time to figure out what he was thinking. She would melt in his presence. His aura was overpowering and she could _feel_ him, like he was the only other person in the museum besides herself. He was towering over her with his height, but he looked so vulnerable. He never looked this weak before. She wanted to run... now. She was going to lose herself if she didn't. But she gathered herself together as soon as she could and bowed. "Congratulations, _sunbae,_" she said briefly. She smiled at him, not missing a beat and walked off.

She had hoped he would stop her. That his hand would reach out and take her by the elbow and stop her. Ask her to stay until the exhibit ends. Have a little talk. A small dinner perhaps. Then drive her home. Just to end things. But nothing of that happened.

Or maybe he would call to her. Say her name. She loved the way he says her name, like how the ocean crashes into the sand. Smooth, strong, reckless yet secure and consistent. No hand stopped her. No voice called to her. She didn't stop, though. She kept going, without looking back, knowing uncontrollable tears were falling from eyes right then. She was falling apart faster than she could imagine.

She stopped in front of the museum to get a hold of herself. People were coming in and out of it that she had to look for a more serene place for herself. She went to the side of the museum where practically no one was. She wiped her tears away. She took deep breaths before deciding she should go back.

Jan Di would certainly be worried if she ran off. And even though it was an irrational thought, she knew Yi Jeong would blame himself. She didn't want that. She was going to prove to everyone, most importantly to herself, that she was a new Ga Eul. A Ga Eul who doesn't cry about this kinds of petty things anymore. That she could worse hits than those. That even though she wasn't over So Yi Jeong yet, she can look at him straight in the eyes and not break down. She was stronger. She knew it was true. She stood up straighter and walked right back inside the building.

She walked inside the museum with her chin high and a smile plastered on her face. She met with Jan Di who took her by the arm and led her around. She didn't see Yi Jeong that while. She was close to happy.

Then, the events turned uncontrollable. The F4, being who they were, demanded that Yi Jeong join them for lunch, with Jan Di and Ga Eul. He didn't look at all flustered, or nervous. He just said yes and they were out eating lunch. Rented the whole restaurant, in fact. Nothing less from the F4. They maintained a casual conversation. Yi Jeong and Ga Eul even exchanged a few words. Nothing personal, just those simple, "Oh, I heard of that!" and "Thanks, that meant a lot." stuff. The F4 and Jan Di didn't look like anything different was happening and Ga Eul was grateful.

Afterwards, when the exhibit and auction was done, the F4 again wanted to be toured around the museum by So Yi Jeong himself. "Talk about demanding," he said with a laugh.

"You love us," Woo Bin said and ruffled his hair.

Of course, both Jan Di and Ga Eul were made to join them as well.

Yi Jeong took the touring seriously. He was walking around the museum leading them and was talking formally and professionally. But while he talked about the worth and vision of the piece during a real tour, he talked about what he felt, where he was, what was on his mind when he was touring them. He was pouring his heart out on them. Ga Eul wasn't surprised. The F4 was his family, after all.

She wasn't surprised, too, when there was no mention of her in the tour. She was hurt a bit, yes, but what can you say? She wasn't important to him that time.

_She tried too hard to make herself believe that it was all a lie, that he loved her._

Perhaps, it was because it wasn't really true when he said he loved her. Maybe what he felt for her was just infatuation. It could be true since it was Ga Eul he's seeing most of the time in the past. He had grown fond of her, not really love her, but just familiar with her. And in that tour, she believed it. She believed that he was lying when he told her he loved her. Maybe he didn't even knew he was lying, before, since he got too caught up with the fleeting emotions, like she had been. But it was all in the past. There was nothing more to do about it.

"Ga Eul-yang?"

She almost tripped on flat ground. Did he just call her? She looked up to see him staring at her intently, his gaze worried, his eyes blazing with life. She looked past him to see no one. Where the hell did everyone disappear to?

He looked behind him and shrugged when he turned back to her. "Woo Bin mentioned something about being hungry and grabbing Ji Hoo and Jan Di threatening Jun Pyo, and all of them running out of the museum," he said, unconcerned. "You were spacing out, you didn't notice. That's... unlikely of you."

She wasn't ready for this. This whole alone-with-Yi-Jeong-in-a-room thing. It was nerve-wrecking enough without him talking like nothing happened. He was talking to her back from the past. His voice was the same, like that was ever going to change. But it had the same concern for her that night when he talked to her about getting back on her ex-boyfriend. He talked to her like he knew her. Of course he did know her. Better than anyone else did. But after what happened, Ga Eul didn't think he had the right to talk to her like that. She was suddenly aggravated. She looked at him straight in the eyes. It was all she could do from stopping herself from slapping him.

"Huh," she said. "I guess we better follow them." She dropped her gaze and walked towards the door. That's when he stopped her.

_But it wasn't a lie._

It was just as she thought how it will happen. He took her by the elbow when she was almost touching distance away. He started speaking. "Both you and I know the others did this on purpose. Leaving us alone, I mean," he said softly, a little uncertain. "I think this is the part where you yell at me for being a jerk-"

Ga Eul pried his fingers off her elbow. "I don't think you're a jerk, _sunbae._"

"I think I am," he said.

She shook her head. "Maybe I'm still mad at your for not contacting me all these years," she heard her voice crack. She wasn't prepared for this. She could see him reading her. His eyes was searching her face. Going all over her. She knows he'd find out if she was lying. But she wasn't going to lie. She was going to tell him everything. To end things.

"But I understand that you have important things going all over you. I mean, I understand that this is your life, all of this," she gestured towards the museum. "There's nothing to feel bad about. I mean, I'd be more mad at you if you prioritized me before your works. Don't look at me like that, you know it's true," she added quickly when he looked like he wanted to interrupt her. "No one is called a jerk for reaching their dreams. And you reached for yours and made it come true. You're not a jerk for doing that. This is it. What you dreamed of. You did it, _sunbae_. I'm proud of you."

She was proud of herself, too. For saying all those things without breaking down. But at the end of her little speech, she knew it was her limit. She had to get some air. Now. Quickly. Because even if that was all true what she said, she couldn't help but feel all her feelings for Yi Jeong rush back to her like a wild waterfall crashing down on her. And she had to stop them before they get out of control. She turned her back and walked away. Having said all that was needed to be said, she didn't expect anything more.

But he stopped her again. All of a sudden he was in front of her. She hadn't expect him to move so fast. He was in front of her and he was blocking her way. Worse, he was looking at her directly and he would see her when she breaks down, which, if her calculations were correct, would be any moment now.

"Ga Eul-yang, I want you to listen."

She sighed. "Come on, _sunbae_, let's just..."

"No." His eyes were alive. She couldn't help but admire his beautiful eyes whose gaze was so firm she couldn't look away. He pointed at something behind her. She turned to look to see an empty pedestal. She looked back at him, confused. He put a hand behind her back and pushed her towards it. It wasn't a romantic gesture but it made her feel the butterflies all over again. But she didn't hold him back. She kind of missed the butterflies.

He led her to the pedestal and saw that it wasn't empty after all. There was pot on it concealed by a neat white blanket that blended with the walls of the museum. He took off the blanket and stepped out of the way so Ga Eul could see. But what was confusing was that she couldn't see anything. It was a plain pot. Nothing special at all. Just a tall plain pot. Almost like a vase, but that's it. It wasn't anything of So Yi Jeong.

"What am I looking at?" she asked, most of curiosity.

"Me," was what he said.

And she understood immediately what was happening. She had to go out. Now. "_Sunbae,_ let's not go there..."

But there was no stopping him. "This was the very first pot I made when I got through the first year of my Sweden life without you. If you were listening enough to what I was saying a while ago, it was the last one I made with a passion."

"_Sunbae..._"

"I always thought about you every single day abroad. What you would have thought of me that I was too busy and all that. I wanted to call you every night I could but I couldn't bring myself to after I got busy. I thought you hated me. I thought you wouldn't want me to call you since I've become so busy. I knew you would be mad at me if I called you in the middle of something important, but I wanted to. But I can't. It's like I didn't have a face to show you anymore. Then, I fell apart. I can't do it without you..."

"Please," the word was so breathy it wasn't almost audible. "_Sunbae_, stop..."

"I was dead, Ga Eul-yang. I had to take my one year course twice. My teachers thought I loved the subject so much I decided to do that on purpose. But it wasn't true. It was because I was dead.

"I couldn't make myself contact you in anyway. I knew you would be angry at me for not concentrating on my studies or if you found out I flunked my classes. I couldn't bear you worrying about me when all I could think about is how I missed you. Then I said to myself, I need to bring back my name. I need to at least make you proud. I can't say I'm glad I did because I sacrificed out relationship."

_It was true._

"The second year I was in Sweden, I knew I had to fight back. I had to at least finish my course so I could go home and see you again. And that was my drive. That was the only thing that kept me going: the thought of being home in Korea with you. I'm not proud to say that I didn't have any intentions of learning anything anymore. My only thought was to go home, and that's what took me to make all the other pots that came after this one," he pointed at the vase on the pedestal.

Ga Eul couldn't breath anymore. She could feel her lungs groping for air, but her throat was contracting. This was it. She was starting to break down. But Yi Jeong wasn't finished yet.

"The pot was me, without you, Ga Eul-yang. Bare and empty. At least starting, at least trying to get back home. And I am home now. I've never felt so alive before."

She looked him in the eyes and saw that the life in those eyes she saw a while ago was because of her. Because he saw her, he was alive again after all those years. She saw that he was holding himself back. He wanted to embrace her, she realized, to feel her. And she wanted to feel him, too, so badly. But she can't. Her body can't. She clutched the hem of her shirt where she could feel her heart beating to assure herself it was going to be fine. But it wasn't.

She opened her mouth to reply, but no sound came. Instead, she started hyperventilating.

...

Yi Jeong couldn't understand what was happening. One moment Ga Eul was stopping him to talk, now that he stopped, she was... having a hard time breathing. He didn't know what to do. She looked shell-shocked. Beautiful, but in pain. He couldn't touch her. She looked like if he did, she might break. But it was breaking him too, to see her in such pain.

Yi Jeong knew she was much stronger that this. She didn't break easily. She could walk around the people who looked down at her and prove them wrong. She was his perfect description of a heroine. But now that she was breaking down, he knew she was wounded and cut hundreds of times, and it was because of him. It was because of him that the love of his life was falling apart right in front of his eyes. And there was nothing he could do.

He stood frozen as she gulped for air, tears flowing freely down her eyes. He wondered how many times had she looked like this? An angel that had been torn between the outskirts of heaven and the depths of hell. How many times had she cried like this because of him? How many times had she cried out to the wind and no one was there to comfort her? And now that he was there, what could he do? And all he could do was stand there, and feel like the most useless person in the world.

He had bad nights dreaming about when he would see Ga Eul crying and he couldn't do anything about it. He was screaming in his dream, but no sound was coming from his mouth and he was trying to go near her but she stands farther away, like he could never reach her. Then, she would eventually stop crying, stand up and walk away by herself, leaving him empty and broken. And in the morning when he wakes up, he swears to never make it happen. But now the same scene was standing in front of him, and there was still nothing he could do, he almost wanted to die.

She was still hiccuping when she turned to him. It was so painful to watch when she tried to dry her eyes with the back of her palms, yet he knew that it would be worse if he tried offering any help. Any kind of help wouldn't bring peace to her, as any kind touch would weaken a healing hummingbird. She tried to stand up straighter, and regain her posture, and he almost couldn't hold himself back from wrapping his arms around her and assure her he would be here this time. That he would stay. But now, words cannot fill the gap of the years that were lost to them. Perhaps even the story he told her a while ago didn't come close to reaching back to her and comforting her wounded heart. She was broken, and he knew he was too late.

She smiled a painful smile at him, and he felt a part of him smash into tiny pieces. His Ga Eul was hurt, and it was because of him. It was the most painful kind of wound inflicted: being the cause of your love's pain. But still she smiled and said, "Let's go, _sunbae_, they'll be waiting for us outside."

He didn't respond and she didn't wait for him to. She walked right past him but this time, he doesn't have the strength nor the confidence to stop her. The life that was burning through him a while ago was slowly dying as it had been in Sweden. And now that he was home and was with the one he loved, he doesn't know the cure anymore. He doesn't know to get up from where he had fallen. All he knew was one thing, and he said it out loud, "I love you, Ga Eul-yang."

He heard her stop, just behind him. Silence. He could hear their breathing. Hers was ragged and uneven, considering that she had gone through a pain encounter just a while ago. It was the longest heaviest silence Yi Jeong heard in his life. And when he heard her step forward again and knew that she wouldn't reply, she said, "I love you, too, _sunbae._"

His breath caught, a little hope rising in his heart. But when he turned to see what she had meant she was already gone. She ran out of the museum, out of his presence, out of the pain and into a world of new beginning.

She couldn't have made it clearer. It was over.

_And it was right before his eyes, his nightmare - only this time it was real._

**-end-**

_._

_._

_._

_(a/n: hi guys. I know it's been a long time. And it's been a long story, too. Sorry about that. I made this story as a compensation for Complicated Reality since the next few chapters are still not written and ironed out. I'm sorry. I'll try to get back to writing that as soon as I can. And I thank the people who still continue to read and support Complicated Reality. It's really appreciated. Thanks guys for reading this story, even though it's really loooooooooooong and very drama-y. Good night! Have a great week ahead. ;)_

_-sweethearbreaker)_

_[edit:_

_Hi lovely readers. I'm sorry if some of you had been confused with the ending of the story. A number of people asked if YJ and GE did get back together or not. The answer is no. I'm sorry for being a bad romantic. Haha. I tried to edit the story as much as I could for you to get my point of GE being too broken beyond YJ's repair._

_Lemme explain: If one person gets brokenhearted and never gets the chance to move on or get back up, he/she gets broken. Not just in emotions, but in soul and body. Like GE in the story when she breaks down in front of YJ, and she hyperventilates(in a bad way, not in a fan-girly way), it's my way of showing how far broken a person could be. YJ realizes this, that GE had become weaker than he remembered, and admits that it's his fault and that he couldn't do anything more about it. Say you cut yourself with a knife, do you bandage yourself with a knife? No, you'd only cut yourself deeper. That's how it goes. Because it was YJ who cause GE's pain, he can't heal her. He could only make everything worse. So, no, they won't be together in this story. I'm sorry._

_So there you have it! A (hopefully) thorough explanation of my confusing story. If ever you have anymore questions, anything, even the most random things, even those not related to this story (just don't ask me about math, I suck at math XD__)... review or PM me. I shall reply as soon as I could. Thanks for reading! :D_

_-sweetheartbreaker]_


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